DRIVETHRU WHALE, you attempt to summon a magic slime and succeed! A dull, rusty orange being makes a dull "clang" noise in front of you. You can sense that it has come to do your bidding, but you can't actually see that it IS a dull, rusty orange, because there's no goddamn lights on.
COPPER SLIME (UNNAMED):
(THIS BREED OF MAGIC SLIME [COPPER] HAS INCREASED DEFENSE.) (5)
TED, you attempt to create fire with your magic. You do for a moment, and it burns your hands before fizzling out. (1)
CABBAGE, you try to pickle something without anything to pickle or anything to pickle your nothing in. You feel so dumb for this that you take psychological damage. (1)
LUKIA, you pray to a fire deity for some sort of FIRE-CAUSING OBJECT. The UNNAMED GODDESS OF FIRE blesses you with a BOX OF MATCHES. (4)
[ITEMDEX: 033 MATCH - DO YOU SERIOUSLY NEED TO LOOK AT THE ITEMDEX FOR THIS? IT'S A MATCH. STRIKE THE MATCH AGAINST THE SIDE OF THE BOX (OR REALLY ANY SORT OF ROUGH, DRY SURFACE) AND THE MATCH WILL LIGHT, GIVING YOU LIGHT, WARMTH, AND THE ABILITY TO LIGHT OTHER FIRES. IT'S A MATCH. THERE'S NOT ANYTHING SPECIAL ABOUT IT.]
BOX OF MATCHES (6) GET!
MATTIAS, you search for a sword. You succeed in finding a sword by haphazardly reaching into the darkness before you. You grab hold of the hilt of a sword, and pull it before you. You feel it pulsing with life. You have retrieved the VINE SWORD OF HERBLORE. It smells faintly of roses. You cannot see it, but you know that it is powerful, equipping it instantly. (4)
[ITEMDEX: 034 VINE SWORD OF HERBLORE - THE VINE SWORD OF HERBLORE BELONGED TO A GREAT DRYAD HERO. SHE WAS BURNED AT THE STAKE FOR WORSHIPPING THE GREEK GOD PAN. AS EXPECTED, SHE WENT UP QUICKLY AND EASILY. HER SWORD CONTAINS A PIECE OF HER LIFE FORCE, AND IS, AS FAR AS ANYBODY KNOWS, THE ONLY PIECE OF HER SOUL THAT REMAINS ON EARTH. ALSO, IT INCREASES MELEE BY 3 AND MAX HEALTH BY 6 WHEN EQUIPPED, WHICH IS SIGNIFICANTLY LESS IMPORTANT THAN HOLDING THE SOUL OF A GREAT WARRIOR, BUT STILL. IT IS OF NOTE.]
+6 MAX HP!
+VINE SWORD OF HERBLORE GET!
TAIGA, you search around the room for supplies, but, not having exactly the same LUCK as your peers, find nothing of use within safe reach. It's much too dark to go beyond where you are. (2)
WAIT, YOU GUYS AREN'T SUPPOSED TO BE DOING THINGS RIGHT RIGHT NOW. STOP THAT. The voice of the malevolent watching being (how about THE OVERSEER?) sounds mildly tiffed, and rightfully so. You are all quite nervous. The slime makes a vaguely terrified clink noise. The sword emits a pulse of negative energy. The matches quiver in their box. TED coughs.
What will you do?