Whale's Nonsensical Stories

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Dr Frook
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Re: Whale's Nonsensical Stories

Postby Dr Frook » 08 Feb 2017, 20:44

I just sent u money, I wants a story too!
The BUGBLATTER BEAST HAS SPOKEN, ALL HAIL THE BLATTERER!
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Dr Frook
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Re: Whale's Nonsensical Stories

Postby Dr Frook » 08 Feb 2017, 20:45

DriveThru Whale wrote:Sup peeps got a story for yas, donated by TG007

Dress up as a plague doctor
Walk to nearby McDonald's
Enter, walk to counter
Hot blond girl turns around and screams
Put on deep voice
"DO NOT BE AFRAID, MY CHILD"
Wave arms, leap onto counter
Kick over register and charity jar
Raise hands into air
"PURRRIFFYYY"
manager storms in, he looks mad
Moonwalk along counter
Kick fat kid's Shamrock Shake from hands
"You are fat, you need not this"
Tip hat to manager and leap from counter
Head to the door, see hot chick I went to high school with
She has medium fries, is staring with gaping jaw
Sprint toward her
Grab fries, slap her
Manager shouts, tries to grab my hat
Spin around and slap him across the face
"UNHAND ME, WAGESLAVE"
Sparta kick the door
Leave the store
Walk the dinosaur

Two weeks later, I go to the same McDonald's, see a "No Dogs Allowed" sign on the door
Manager crossed out "Dogs" and replaced it with "Plague Doctors"
See two cops inside the seating area
Order a chicken biscuit and a caramel frappe and walk out
Lel


truly u, mr whale. Very nice
The BUGBLATTER BEAST HAS SPOKEN, ALL HAIL THE BLATTERER!
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DriveThru Whale
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Re: Whale's Nonsensical Stories

Postby DriveThru Whale » 10 Feb 2017, 21:47

Thanks to Dr. Frook for donating for this story. Now be warned, this was a little painful to write.

Be me
Was in sophomore year of high school when this happened
Had been seeing a girl I knew since 2nd grade
Wasn't sure this was gonna work out seeing that we were in different schools that were an hour from each other
After a year and a half, however, we were both still pretty happy together
My family loved her, and her family thought I was respectable
Was doing well in school, going to enter a promising field
She was always making promises like "I want to be with you forever"
I agreed and said that I wanted to be with her too
But deep inside we were both sure it may not last forever
Then something finally clicks
Even though we go to different schools and we only get to see each other on long weekends and vacations we are still obsessed with each other
It looks like we might get married after graduation
We never get into fights, and she is completely faithful to me, even over long distance
Trust her completely
Winter break, senior year
Talk with my parents over the phone, then drive to her school to pick her up
Was taking her to a fancy dinner, might propose to her if everything goes well
Get to her school, she is so excited to see me
We kiss and talk the whole way to the restaurant
Hit a patch of ice and veer off the road
I should have been paying more attention
Passenger side smashes into a tree
I am fine, but she is unconscious, still remember blood coming out her nose
Call ambulance
Beg them to let me ride with her, but they refuse
Have to call parents to take me there
I was so worried about her
I finally get to the hospital
I open the door
Get on the floor
Everybody walk the dinosaur
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Askmeastupidquestion
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Re: Whale's Nonsensical Stories

Postby Askmeastupidquestion » 11 Feb 2017, 20:51

Image

Many years ago I was surfing on a beach in Southern California. I paddled out past the breakers and spotted a pod of dolphins frolicking in the waves. The leader greeted me and whistled through his blowhole. He told me his name was Eep<click>. I speak fluent Cetacean even all the cusswords. I'm very smart and I'm fluent in several languages. You might call me a cunning linquist.

Eep<click> explained his situation. His pod is really the last of the Lost Tribe of Atlantis. They were the last survivors of the Sunken City from over 2,500 years ago. "How have you survived all this time?" I asked. Eep<click> explained that the mysterious elemental magic that had transformed his tribe into porpoises had the side effect of making them immortal. After 2,500 years they could feel their life force fading, they needed an Earth element, to renew the magic, specifically diamonds. I offered up what little bling I had, which was none, because I don't wear my bling when I'm surfing.

He said he needed special Atlantian Diamonds, which he told me were available through a mining company down in Mexico, but they would need to send a miner up with the elements to process them on site, so the elements would be fresh and prepared for ingestion. Eep<click> asked if I would be so kind as to drive down to Tijuana and pick up the miner and his cache of diamonds. I explained to Eep<click> that I would, but what he was asking me to do is very illegal, as it is against the law to transport miners across state lines for immortal porpoises.

Asky :?:

DriveThru Whale
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Re: Whale's Nonsensical Stories

Postby DriveThru Whale » Yesterday, 21:59

A free story today, courtesy of me, DriveThru Whale. Be warned, this story contains computer abuse. Also, make sure to donate some Frook$ to me, as I want to buy some neato stuff.

Rescue a 15 year old computer
Smile at the owners, promise I will take care of him
Take him home and plug him in
Open his chassis, exposing his hardware to everyone
Force him to stay awake 24 hours a day
Force him to run useless programs all day, running his processor to full capacity
Make fun of him for having such a small hard drive
Make him watch with his camera as I use my shiny new Asus 13 inch laptop with an Intel i7 processor
Rip out his cooling fans so he gets really hot
Laugh at him as he starts failing
Unplug him and throw him in the trash
Time to find my next computer/victim
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