Whale's Nonsensical Stories

Offer your writing skills in exchange for Fr00k$!
DriveThru Whale
FWG Earl
Posts: 314
Joined: 09 Apr 2013, 02:46

Whale's Nonsensical Stories

Postby DriveThru Whale » 01 Sep 2015, 08:48

Sup mortals, I'm bored and want to make some quick cash, so send me... $1.50 fr00k$ sound good, and I will tell you a random story. No requests, not even for extra scratch. I write what I feel like writing (within the legal limits). If you aren't satisfied, your next story is half off. I dunno, I haven't done this before.
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Icamenal
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Posts: 1273
Joined: 01 Mar 2015, 00:44

Re: Whale's Nonsensical Stories

Postby Icamenal » 01 Sep 2015, 17:03

Do we pay before or after?

DriveThru Whale
FWG Earl
Posts: 314
Joined: 09 Apr 2013, 02:46

Re: Whale's Nonsensical Stories

Postby DriveThru Whale » 06 Sep 2015, 02:10

Icamenal wrote:Do we pay before or after?


Before, obviously. Just send me a Pm confirming your purchase, and I will make up a completely awesome, yet disturbingly weird story.
(Disclaimer: DriveThru Whale does not take requests. Product may contain trace elements of Latvian cheese. Do not read.)
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DriveThru Whale
FWG Earl
Posts: 314
Joined: 09 Apr 2013, 02:46

Re: Whale's Nonsensical Stories

Postby DriveThru Whale » 06 Sep 2015, 03:07

This story was made for Icamenal.

"Mr. Bollea, you say you have brought an audio cassette, the contents of which are of interest to the court in this case against Gawker Media?"
"That's right."
"Well, I guess we had better hear it. Would the clerk please play the tape?"
After 15 seconds of the tape, Mr. Bollea rips off his suit in one motion, revealing a yellow spandex wrestling outfit. To which Gawker's defense attorney cries, "OBJECTION!"
The judge simply says, "I'll allow it."
Hulk cries out: "I TRIED IT YOUR WAY BROTHER! I TRIED TO WORK IT OUT NICELY! BUT YOU WOULDN'T PLAY NICE, MAX! NOW ITS TIME! FOR HULKAMANIA!
Hulk jumps over his table, grabs Gawker's defense attorney, turns his flabby body upside down, and slams his butt onto the table, breaking it in half.
Gawker chief editor Max Read tries to escape, but Hulk grabs him and throws him head first into the wall, knocking him unconscious.
Hulk picks him up in a fireman's lift and runs with him up the stairs.
Hulk lifts him high over his head and throws him 20 feet down to the courtroom where he lays unconscious.
Hulk cups his hand to his ear, pretending not to hear the whoops and yells of encouragement.
Hulk runs down the stairs to the courtroom and to each corner, standing on tables and chairs and cupping his hand to his ear.
Hulk runs to the wall, bounces off it, and runs straight towards Read's lifeless body.
Hulk jumps high into the air, his feet lifted in front of him like a high jumper.
Hulk crashes back down to earth, harder than mere gravity could ever achieve.
The back of his thigh violently collides with Max Read's face, crushing his skull and killing him instantly.
The crowd in the gallery cheers wildly as Hulk pins Read
The judge bangs his gavel in time to the count, "ONE! TWO! THREE! THIS COURT FINDS IN FAVOR OF HULK HOGAN!
The bailiffs enter the courtroom with sacks of money from Gawker's bank account and dumps them on the floor.

THE END
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DriveThru Whale
FWG Earl
Posts: 314
Joined: 09 Apr 2013, 02:46

Re: Whale's Nonsensical Stories

Postby DriveThru Whale » 06 Sep 2015, 03:40

This story was made for Excalibur, King of the Texans. Silly Ex, Texas has a governor, not a king.

Be me
Wake up
____ shower shave
Eat Bacon n Egs
Check my bank account, 20K still there
Invest
Go outside
Drive my Bentley
Go to wild west saloon
Have a root beer
Beat a guy up
Have a massage while lady of questionable origin makes out with me
Leave
Drive to my bro's house
Smash up his Xbox
Leave
Be back at saloon
Talk to this other girl 8/10
Take her back to my place
Light up some candles
Snort some bath salts
Chew her face off
Sleep like a baby yam
THE END
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Icamenal
FWG God
Posts: 1273
Joined: 01 Mar 2015, 00:44

Re: Whale's Nonsensical Stories

Postby Icamenal » 06 Sep 2015, 03:50

I love how these start normally, and then later on in the stories, there are weird parts with the normal parts.

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Dr Frook
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Joined: 28 Aug 2009, 05:35
Location: freaksville
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Re: Whale's Nonsensical Stories

Postby Dr Frook » 08 Sep 2015, 22:36

I expect the best story and will double the payment.

get it done and pm me when u have completed ur master work.

thankyou
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DriveThru Whale
FWG Earl
Posts: 314
Joined: 09 Apr 2013, 02:46

Re: Whale's Nonsensical Stories

Postby DriveThru Whale » 09 Sep 2015, 00:46

The story was requested by our great FWG Leader, Frookenstein. Hooray!

Out buying drinks from 7/11
No bathroom
See Olive Garden across the street
"Bathroom is for customers only" sign on the door
Walk inside anyway
They're packed
"How many, sir"
"8, milady"
Walk outside to give the illusion of congregating with this, of course, fictitious party of 8 under one sir Walter (not my real name btw)
The waitress comes out, tells me my table is ready
Sit down for a few minutes, then enter the bathroom
Order breadsticks
Gorge myself
Tell the waitress my friends bailed on me, tell her it's my birthday, begin to bawl my eyes out
Get free dessert
Gorge myself again
It wasn't my birthday
I wasn't a customer
I don't actually have any friends ;_;
THE END
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Dr Frook
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Posts: 9039
Joined: 28 Aug 2009, 05:35
Location: freaksville
Contact:

Re: Whale's Nonsensical Stories

Postby Dr Frook » 09 Sep 2015, 22:22

DriveThru Whale wrote:The story was requested by our great FWG Leader, Frookenstein. Hooray!

Out buying drinks from 7/11
No bathroom
See Olive Garden across the street
"Bathroom is for customers only" sign on the door
Walk inside anyway
They're packed
"How many, sir"
"8, milady"
Walk outside to give the illusion of congregating with this, of course, fictitious party of 8 under one sir Walter (not my real name btw)
The waitress comes out, tells me my table is ready
Sit down for a few minutes, then enter the bathroom
Order breadsticks
Gorge myself
Tell the waitress my friends bailed on me, tell her it's my birthday, begin to bawl my eyes out
Get free dessert
Gorge myself again
It wasn't my birthday
I wasn't a customer
I don't actually have any friends ;_;
THE END


lol, I loved it! Fook$ well spent :)
The BUGBLATTER BEAST HAS SPOKEN, ALL HAIL THE BLATTERER!
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DriveThru Whale
FWG Earl
Posts: 314
Joined: 09 Apr 2013, 02:46

Re: Whale's Nonsensical Stories

Postby DriveThru Whale » 10 Sep 2015, 14:23

FWG Leader wrote:
DriveThru Whale wrote:The story was requested by our great FWG Leader, Frookenstein. Hooray!

Out buying drinks from 7/11
No bathroom
See Olive Garden across the street
"Bathroom is for customers only" sign on the door
Walk inside anyway
They're packed
"How many, sir"
"8, milady"
Walk outside to give the illusion of congregating with this, of course, fictitious party of 8 under one sir Walter (not my real name btw)
The waitress comes out, tells me my table is ready
Sit down for a few minutes, then enter the bathroom
Order breadsticks
Gorge myself
Tell the waitress my friends bailed on me, tell her it's my birthday, begin to bawl my eyes out
Get free dessert
Gorge myself again
It wasn't my birthday
I wasn't a customer
I don't actually have any friends ;_;
THE END


lol, I loved it! Fook$ well spent :)

If you like this story, then by all means, please buy another! These stories are here for your viewing enjoyment!
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