Whale's Nonsensical Stories

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DriveThru Whale
FWG Earl
Posts: 314
Joined: 09 Apr 2013, 02:46

Re: Whale's Nonsensical Stories

Postby DriveThru Whale » 24 Dec 2015, 21:52

This one, once again, funded by FWG Leader. I would like to repeat NO REQUESTS.

Be a medieval doctor
Chilling in my slammin' horse and wagon carrying various herbs and body parts
For research
Suddenly some entitled Templars pull up
Notthiscrapagain.oiloncanvas
They call me a nerd and make fun of my mask
How is the mask stupid? The mask is the best part of being a doctor
A couple of the bucket heads are coughing pretty bad
It is time to do my doctoral duty
I am a doctor
Tell them I can cure them of their sickness
Grab some stuff from the back of my wagon
Mix it all together
Tell them to put the mixture in all the orifices in their bodies
ALL THE ORIFICES
They totally believe it
Minutes later they complain of burning
That means the mixture is working
Leave and go back to chilling
I am a doctor
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DriveThru Whale
FWG Earl
Posts: 314
Joined: 09 Apr 2013, 02:46

Re: Whale's Nonsensical Stories

Postby DriveThru Whale » 25 Dec 2015, 06:23

This story was paid for by Angel and Dark Ace (now bluesdotexe). thanks guys, and have a Happy Decemberween.

How to be a hat wearing scumbag at SubHuehuehue
Start with veggies, innocent enough
Correct yourself and order a footlong on Monterrey Cheddar bread, or similar cheese-encrusted bread where available
That particular bread falls apart more than any other, and it can't hold liquid so the sauces will just ruin everything else
Order one of the meats where the serving size is a paper tray (i.e. steak, anything chicken related)
Bonus round: order the roast beef. It's 80% frozen 100% of the time, and therefore a pain to separate into 8 pieces for a foot long
Don't have them toast it unless there is a HUGE rush, like backed out the door and spilling out into the parking lot
Order bacon once you're on veggies so they have to go back
Tell them you're a regular customer and you want them to push the 3 button on the toasting oven
On 3, the sandwich will cook so long it will burn the crap out of the employee's hands when they take it out of the microwave
Add their name to the end of every sentence from here on out
Example: I'd like lots of lettuce... Jeffrey (don't know anyone by that name, just go along with it)
Tell them you want ****loads of lettuce, tomatoes and cucumbers
Ask for a lot of pickles, at this point they're almost impossible to place on the sandwich just right
Ask for oil and vinegar
Tell them not to try and gyp you out of the sauce! MORE OIL AND VINEGAR... Jeffrey
Oil and vinegar. Over load it, absolutely saturate that thang, I want you to make that sandwich so soggy with oil and vinegar it is dripping onto the counter.
Ask for heavy oregano then tell them you're good

Dont tell them to cut it, this is where things get... VERY NAUGHTY.

As they're trying to fold your behemoth on a bun, remind them you want guacamole
Get sandwich, pay for extra bacon and guacamole
Waddle into the bathroom with your sandwich
Cram that bad boy into the toilet by any means unnecessary
Get a bag of Sun Chips for yourself
Never return

The end
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DriveThru Whale
FWG Earl
Posts: 314
Joined: 09 Apr 2013, 02:46

Re: Whale's Nonsensical Stories

Postby DriveThru Whale » 28 Dec 2015, 00:38

This one was paid for by Shadow Mew. Fair warning, quite a bit of manchildishness here.

Gimme gimme chicken tendies,
Be they crispy or from Wendy's.
I spend my hard earned good boy points
On kid's meal ball pit burger joints.
My mummy lifts me in the car
To find me tendies near and far
To enjoy my tasty tendie treats
In comfy big boy booster seats.
McDonald's, Hardee's, Popeye's, Cane's,
But of my tendies, none remains.

She tries to make me take a nappy,
But sleeping doesn't make me happy
Tendies are the only food
That puts me in a napping mood
I'll scream and shout and make a fuss,
I'll scratch and bite and even cuss
Tendies are my heart's desire,
Fuelled by hungry raging fire
Mummy sobs and wails and cries,
But tears aren't tendies, nuggets or fries.

My good boy points were fairly earned,
To buy the tendies that I've yearned,
But there are no tendies in my plate!
Did mummy think that I'd just ate?
"TENDIES, TENDIES, GET THEM NOW!
YOU FAT, UNGRATEFUL, SLUGGISH SOW!"
I screech while hurling between her eyes
A foul smelling bowel dwelling diaper surprise
For she who isn't crapped on is she who remembers.
NEVER FORGET MY CHICKEN TENDERS.

THE END.
ALSO I WANT TENDIES.
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Dr Frook
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Joined: 28 Aug 2009, 05:35
Location: freaksville
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Re: Whale's Nonsensical Stories

Postby Dr Frook » 28 Dec 2015, 02:59

DriveThru Whale wrote:This one, once again, funded by FWG Leader. I would like to repeat NO REQUESTS.

Be a medieval doctor
Chilling in my slammin' horse and wagon carrying various herbs and body parts
For research
Suddenly some entitled Templars pull up
Notthiscrapagain.oiloncanvas
They call me a nerd and make fun of my mask
How is the mask stupid? The mask is the best part of being a doctor
A couple of the bucket heads are coughing pretty bad
It is time to do my doctoral duty
I am a doctor
Tell them I can cure them of their sickness
Grab some stuff from the back of my wagon
Mix it all together
Tell them to put the mixture in all the orifices in their bodies
ALL THE ORIFICES
They totally believe it
Minutes later they complain of burning
That means the mixture is working
Leave and go back to chilling
I am a doctor


weird...
The BUGBLATTER BEAST HAS SPOKEN, ALL HAIL THE BLATTERER!
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Dr Frook
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Joined: 28 Aug 2009, 05:35
Location: freaksville
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Re: Whale's Nonsensical Stories

Postby Dr Frook » 02 Jan 2016, 20:46

whale, 50 frook$ for a happy story. Payment on the way
The BUGBLATTER BEAST HAS SPOKEN, ALL HAIL THE BLATTERER!
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DriveThru Whale
FWG Earl
Posts: 314
Joined: 09 Apr 2013, 02:46

Re: Whale's Nonsensical Stories

Postby DriveThru Whale » 02 Jan 2016, 21:01

This story is for FWG Leader. I haven't been feeling good at all lately, so this one is also for lukia and Ex. I hope the two of you hate it.

I witnessed a killing the other day, wanted to tell you all about it

Moving into a new house
Might as well to meet the neighbors
Hope they're not terrible
Go to the house next door and knock
A friendly, not so old man answers
He sounds German. Maybe a little bit of Irish.
He motions me to come in
I accept his offer, don't worry bout it
We get to talking
His name is Hans O'Renn
He's been through some tough days
But he always faces every day with a smile
He mentions that he has one son
Hasn't seen him in years
Last he heard, he was involved in gangs
We talk some more, then I leave to talk to the other neighbors

THE NEXT DAY, THIS HAPPENED!

I see a bunch of shady characters passing in front of my house
Looks like they're going to see Hans
Pretty suspicious
Must be nothing
They knock on his door
He lets them in
I open my window closest to his house and listen in
"Look son, I haven't done anything to displease you, have I?"
"Nah, but ya have to go"
I immediately go outside and look through his front window
Gang members stepping up to beat him to death
Oh*****.jpg
"Dont worry boys, I'll handle this"
"But Kyle..." says one of them
So that's his son's name
"Seriously, I'll do it"
Kyle grabs a baseball bat
*Scene removed due to rating, it's pretty disturbing*
I have to step back, I can't un-see that ever again
Mfw Kyle O'Renn kills his father, Hans, solo

U mad bro? THE END
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Dr Frook
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Location: freaksville
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Re: Whale's Nonsensical Stories

Postby Dr Frook » 02 Jan 2016, 21:11

DriveThru Whale wrote:This story is for FWG Leader. I haven't been feeling good at all lately, so this one is also for lukia and Ex. I hope the two of you hate it.

I witnessed a killing the other day, wanted to tell you all about it

Moving into a new house
Might as well to meet the neighbors
Hope they're not terrible
Go to the house next door and knock
A friendly, not so old man answers
He sounds German. Maybe a little bit of Irish.
He motions me to come in
I accept his offer, don't worry bout it
We get to talking
His name is Hans O'Renn
He's been through some tough days
But he always faces every day with a smile
He mentions that he has one son
Hasn't seen him in years
Last he heard, he was involved in gangs
We talk some more, then I leave to talk to the other neighbors

THE NEXT DAY, THIS HAPPENED!

I see a bunch of shady characters passing in front of my house
Looks like they're going to see Hans
Pretty suspicious
Must be nothing
They knock on his door
He lets them in
I open my window closest to his house and listen in
"Look son, I haven't done anything to displease you, have I?"
"Nah, but ya have to go"
I immediately go outside and look through his front window
Gang members stepping up to beat him to death
Oh*****.jpg
"Dont worry boys, I'll handle this"
"But Kyle..." says one of them
So that's his son's name
"Seriously, I'll do it"
Kyle grabs a baseball bat
*Scene removed due to rating, it's pretty disturbing*
I have to step back, I can't un-see that ever again
Mfw Kyle O'Renn kills his father, Hans, solo

U mad bro? THE END


ur the devil
The BUGBLATTER BEAST HAS SPOKEN, ALL HAIL THE BLATTERER!
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Dr Frook
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Joined: 28 Aug 2009, 05:35
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Re: Whale's Nonsensical Stories

Postby Dr Frook » 22 Jan 2016, 21:13

its been a while... gimme a new story or I rip ur arms off
The BUGBLATTER BEAST HAS SPOKEN, ALL HAIL THE BLATTERER!
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DriveThru Whale
FWG Earl
Posts: 314
Joined: 09 Apr 2013, 02:46

Re: Whale's Nonsensical Stories

Postby DriveThru Whale » 23 Jan 2016, 22:34

This story was paid for by the recently renamed Dr. Frook. Nice lad. But now who will lead FWG out of the dark ages? Anyway...

Let me tell you a story about a young lad named Mark.

None of his classmates liked Mark because of his stupidity and clumsiness, especially his own teacher. His teacher was always yelling at him, "You're driving me mad, Mark!"

One day his mother came to school to check on the young lad and see how he was doing. The teacher told her honestly, that Mark was a disaster in school, getting very low marks, and that she had never seen a more stupid boy in her entire teaching career. His mother was shocked, and in response to the conversation, she pulled her son out of school, and moved out of Detroit, and moved to Cleveland.

23 years later, the very same teacher was diagnosed with an almost incurable cardiac disease. The doctors all advised her to have open heart surgery, which only one surgeon at the Cleveland clinic could perform. Left with no other option, she consented to have the surgery, which ended up successful.

When she opened her eyes two days later, she was met by a handsome young doctor smiling down at her. She wanted to say something, but she could not talk. Her face started to turn blue, and she raised her hand to tell him something, but she could not say anything, and died immediately thereafter. The doctor was shocked, and looked around to try and find out what went wrong so suddenly. Then he turned around and found our friend Mark, who was a janitor at the clinic, who unplugged the life support equipment so he could connect his vacuum cleaner.

Now don't tell me you thought Mark went on to become a heart surgeon, now did you?

The end
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DriveThru Whale
FWG Earl
Posts: 314
Joined: 09 Apr 2013, 02:46

Re: Whale's Nonsensical Stories

Postby DriveThru Whale » 08 Feb 2017, 20:40

Sup peeps got a story for yas, donated by TG007

Dress up as a plague doctor
Walk to nearby McDonald's
Enter, walk to counter
Hot blond girl turns around and screams
Put on deep voice
"DO NOT BE AFRAID, MY CHILD"
Wave arms, leap onto counter
Kick over register and charity jar
Raise hands into air
"PURRRIFFYYY"
manager storms in, he looks mad
Moonwalk along counter
Kick fat kid's Shamrock Shake from hands
"You are fat, you need not this"
Tip hat to manager and leap from counter
Head to the door, see hot chick I went to high school with
She has medium fries, is staring with gaping jaw
Sprint toward her
Grab fries, slap her
Manager shouts, tries to grab my hat
Spin around and slap him across the face
"UNHAND ME, WAGESLAVE"
Sparta kick the door
Leave the store
Walk the dinosaur

Two weeks later, I go to the same McDonald's, see a "No Dogs Allowed" sign on the door
Manager crossed out "Dogs" and replaced it with "Plague Doctors"
See two cops inside the seating area
Order a chicken biscuit and a caramel frappe and walk out
Lel
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