TURKEY SLAUGHTER DAY Competition

[mop]

the hearts of innocent children

they make me feel good about myself

like i did something right

their blood makes a good beverage

the tears make a mean dessert

like dayum son

[Boxorino]

OK, THANKSGIVING DINNER?? THE BOMB OKAY. LET ME TELL YOU .

SO FIRST YOU GOT YOUR TURKEY. THAT BITCH GETS STUFFED IN A BAG WITH A LITTLE FLOUR SPRINKLED ON IT AFTER YOU FILL IT UP WITH STUFFING AND SEW THAT SHIT UP SO IT DOESN'T FALL OUT. STUFFING CONTAINS CHOPPED CELERY, ONION, DRIED BREAD, AND CHICKEN BROTH. WHEN THAT SHIT GETS COOKED IN THE OVEN INSIDE THE TURKEY, IT GIVE THE TURKEY THE MOST EXCELLENT FLAVOUR. BUT FOR YOU PUSSIES OUT THERE, WE HAVE A SEPARATE BATCH OF THE STUFFING THAT HASN'T BEEN IN THE BIRD.

MY FAVOURITE PART OF THE TURKEY IS THE DRIPPINGS THAT ARE LEFTOVER IN THE PAN. YOU KNOW WHY? BECAUSE WE USE THAT SHIT TO MAKE THE MOST EXCELLENT GRAVY THAT YOU CAN DUMP ALL OVER YOUR MASHED POTATOES AND TURKEY AND HELL, EVEN YOUR STUFFING. AFTER EATING SOME, YOU'RE GOING TO WANT TO LATHER IT ALL OVER YOURSELF AND SLIDE AROUND ON THE FLOOR SO THAT YOU CAN GET SOME MORE.

NEXT WE GOT CANDIED YAMS. YOU PEEL YOUR YAMS, CUT THEM UP INTO 1 INCH THICK SLICES AND THROW 'EM IN A PAN. YOU TAKE A STICK OF BUTTER AND CUT THAT BITCH UP BEFORE DUMPING IT INTO THE PAN AS WELL. NOW, I BET YOU'RE THINKING, "didn't u call these candied yams or something???" WELL YEAH, I SURE AS HELL DID. THEY'RE CALLED THAT BECAUSE OUR LAST INGREDIENT? BROWN SUGAR. DUMP AS MUCH OF THAT AS YOU WANT INT THERE. IT MIXES IN WITH THE BUTTER AND SOAKS INTO THE YAMS TO GIVE THEM THAT BAD ASS SWEETNESS BY WHICH THEY'RE CALLED.

ONE OF MY FAVOURITE DISHES OF THE NIGHT IS MOTHERFUCKING GREEN BEAN CASSEROLE. THAT BITCH HAS ALL YOU EVER NEED IN LIFE: GREEN BEANS, CREAM OF MUSHROOM SOUP, AND BEST OF ALL, FRENCH FRIED MOTHERFUCKING ONIONS. WITH A CRUNCH TOP OF THE ONIONS AND A HOT, STEAMY, CREAMY FILLING OF MUSHROOM SOUP, GREEN BEANS, AND EVEN MORE ONIONS, THIS SHIT WILL FLOAT YOUR BOAT, NO MATTER WHAT KIND OF BOAT YOU SAIL.

THE NEXT PART OF THE MEAL I LIKE TO SHOVEL DOWN MY THROAT ARE THE CROISSANTS. MOST PEOPLE ARE PUSSIES AND GET THE KIND FROM COSTCO INSTEAD OF MAKING THEIR OWN, BUT IN OUR HOUSE, THAT SHIT DON'T FLY. WE MAKE THE DOUGH. WE ROLL THE DOUGH. WE COVER IT IN A BUTTERY SAUCE. WE SHOVE THAT SHIT IN THE OVEN AND COOK IT AT ABOUT 450 DEGREES. AND THE RESULT? THE FLUFFIEST, FLAKIEST CROISSANTS YOU'VE EVER HAD THE PLEASURE OF EATING.

FINALLY, WE GOT OUR DESSERTS. THE DAY BEFORE THANKSGIVING, I HELPED BAKE THIS FERGALICIOUS APPLE PIE. WE SPICED THE FUCK OUT OF OUR APPLE SLICES: SUGAR, NUTMEG, CINNAMON, GROUND GLOVES, AND SALT. AFTER THAT, THE APPLE SLICES GET SHOVED INTO THE PIE CRUST: MILK, FLOUR, BUTTER AND SALT. THE UPPER CRUST IS COATED WITH A BUTTER EGG WHITE MIXTURE AND THE PIE GETS SHOVED VIOLENTLY INTO THE OVEN BECAUSE WHEN IT COMES OUT THE CRUSTS ARE GOING TO BE THE FLAKIEST AND MOST SCRUMPTIOUS CRUST THAT YOU HAVE EVER HAD THE PLEASURE OF EATING.

ANOTHER DESSERT THAT IS FUCKING RAD AS HELL IS PUMPKIN PIE. WE BUY THAT SHIT FROM COSTCO BECAUSE WE DON'T HAVE TIME TO MAKE OUR OWN, BUT IT'S STILL RAD AS HELL. OUR LAST DESSERT IS CRANBERRY SAUCE. WITH JUST THE RIGHT AMOUNTS OF SWEET AND SOUR, YOU'RE GOING TO END UP WANTING TO EAT THE WHOLE CAN, INCLUDING THE CAN.

WELL THAT JUST ABOUT SUMS UP MY FAMILY'S THANKSGIVING DINNER, YOU BETTER STOP BY NEXT YEAR OR I'LL SHOVE THE TURKEY LEG DOWN YOUR THROAT WHILE COATING YOU IN GRAVY AND FEEDING YOU TO MY DOGS.

sorry that was long. i get very passionate about thanksgiving dinner. and as i've said in another topic, "i wish thanksgiving dinner was twice a year."

[Lamb]

Now, if only I wasn't so busy, then I would go ahead and draw out the feast table.

[Sylvia]

Hi guys - I've been stuck without internet all weekend so I'll announce the winner tomorrow.

[Sylvia]

Well done guys, here are your winners:

ILikeAwesomeSauce
giraffegirl55
mopofdoom

Keep entering! A new comp will be up soon