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Good day, ladies and gentleman. Please, take a seat and open your holy texts to the first page of The Book of FWG. Whoever's child that is, please calm it down before I kick you out. Now, please follow along carefully, because this is a long book, and I don't feel like reading it again. Now, let us begin with Frookenstein 1:1.

In the beginning, there was nothing. Everything was nothing, but nothing was not everything, because that violated the rules of intervals and leaves you with an undefined answer when your real answer is either all real numbers or an empty set. From this nothing-containing-everything, came everything. How this does not go against the rule that matter cannot be created or destroyed, we don't really know, but please just go with it, because I said so. Also, there was an egg for some reason, and the everything was all, "being holy is hard work, let's make an omelet", and tried to eat the egg. But alas, the egg proved to be too cunning for the everything, and managed to escape. It should be pretty clear that this is quite confusing, but it was written that way on purpose, because why not. I am confused as well, but this is beside the point. Also it's never explained why the everything is being treated as a person in the sentences but is not considered a proper noun, nor is it explained how it got there from nothing if nothing cannot contain everything, nor is it explained why there is an egg, but this is only page one, and I'm sure everything will be cleared up eventually.

The egg wandered across time and space for billions of years, despite having neither a timer with which to track those billions of years to measure whether or not they were actually billions of years and not, like, a week, nor a heat lamp to protect it from the freezing temperatures in space, nor did it have GPS navigation to bring it to its final destination, nor did it have a way of telling if it was actually in space and not the everything's belly. Yet, it still wandered, and it eventually came across a land known as The Nameless Land. It is also not explained why there was a floating land mass in the nothing which was contained in the everything which was born from the nothing which also contained the egg which was somehow floating despite nothing about it making sense, but it was there, kind of like those things that float in your eye that you occasionally see and attempt to dislodge, only to stab yourself in the eye with your hand, because you momentarily forgot that they were in your eye, and you're like, "boy, do I feel stupid", and those things in your eye are still laughing at you while floating by. Yes, this land was just like that, except that it doesn't float in your eye and laugh at you while making you injure yourself.

The egg decided to rest on The Nameless Land, despite being an egg, and having no free will or thought process of its own. There it lay, for hundreds of thousands of years, before finally hatching into something resembling a bear with a longer tail and more teeth, except comparisons to bears with long tails and more teeth could not be made, because there was still just the everything, the Nameless Land, and the egg. This strange mystical space creature is what we now call The Bugblatter Beast of Traal.

The newly hatched creature, being of simpler mind, decided that it was bored, and proceeded to destroy The Nameless Land, with the powers it somehow knew it had, despite them never being mentioned in the text prior to this. It succeeded in reducing the land to space pebbles, which the creature ate, not knowing they were carcinogenic. After several doses of naturally occuring cosmic radiation, the creature was healed of its cancerous status, which was also not mentioned previously in the text until now. Enraged, the creature uttered its first word;

"BLAARRRGH!!"

And proceeded to gather up the space dust into a big ball and hurl it further into space. This passage, of course, is where Frook's Prayer comes from. This prayer consists of nothing more than its first word repeated several times, and is very popular in several Chinese countries, such as Japan.

Anyway, that ball of space junk hurled by a bear that resembled a turtle and came from nothing, began to gather up more space dust that magically appeared from nothing, until it formed into a planet over billions of years. The creature, surprised at his creation, decided to place life on the new planet because it was otherwise unsurprising. First, it decided that several things were needed, which we shall opt out of speaking of, since they are scientific and boring. Instead, we will read the condensed version. The condensed version can be found underneath your pews, and consists of this passage; "That long-necked dude created the sun and stuff". And so, the creature created a planet capable of sustaining life as we know it, and in its infinite wisdom, populated that planet with his holy seeds, which was actually just a bag of seeds he purchased from a cosmic Walgreens, which he also constructed during his time off from constructing all life as we know it.

Once the planet was capable of sustaining life, the creature decided to name itself, and settled on Frookenstein, because it's basically everyone's dad. After doing so, he became indifferent to everything. He stopped caring about his creations, and stopped looking them in the eye when they went out for tacos, and never called them anymore, either. When it felt that enough was enough, it gathered all its indifference into a jewel, creatively dubbed the Jewel of Indifference, which is currently on display in the Oval Office every other Friday, and the House of Representatives every day other than every other Friday.

With all his indifference removed from his body, Frookenstein decided to once again begin to watch over his creations. However, it quickly discovered that humans are really weird and, upon being bested at a match of Halo 4 for the umpteenth time, decided not to stick around anymore. It attempted to leave the planet, never to return, but alas! Its indifference remained stuck inside of a jewel, guarded by some of the most indifferent people ever to grace the planet, who were in turn guarded by some of the most elite champions to ever guard the most indifferent people ever to grace the planet, who were to guard the most indifferent object ever to grace the planet, which was created by the most indifferent being in all of history before it lost its indifference, which was created by nothing which was a part of everything which was a part of nothing. Crushed by this revelation, Frookenstein decided to remain atop a mountain, waiting for the day it could reclaim its indifference and stop caring about the acts of mankind…until some dolt in a stupid hat caught it with technology it indirectly created, trapping it there forever.

And there ends the Book of FWG. Please place all tips in the collection jar shaped like a Bugblatter near the door, and if any of you parked on the walkway, I swear to Frook I will steal your rims and have your ride towed. Have a wonderful evening.

Amazing! Vaguely reminiscent of Douglas Adams! Vanilla scented! I demand more!

Foopzheart wrote:Amazing! Vaguely reminiscent of Douglas Adams! Vanilla scented! I demand more!

Well too bad, this is all I got.

holy frook, this is awesomeeeeeee!

DriveThru Whale wrote:However, it quickly discovered that humans are really weird and, upon being bested at a match of Halo 4 for the umpteenth time, decided not to stick around anymore.

Was me.

Got 60000 xp.

omigod this is so good!!!!
only thing its missing is a mention of my name
but srslly continue..