summer comedy competition [winners announced!!]

[TG007]

Vlad gets pulled over after a high-speed car chase. "I'm going to help you out," says the police officer.
"Give me a good excuse and I won't write you a ticket." "Three weeks ago, my wife left me for a cop,"
Vlad explains. "So when I saw your car coming, I thought you were trying to bring her back."

[Demitri]

I got 3 jokes.
1. So a three legged dog walks into a bar and says '' i'm looking for the man who shot my paw'
2. so a dude is walking on the side of a lake and sees another guy on the other side of the lake and says '' How did you get to the other side?'' the other guy says '' You are on the other side''
3. So a duck walks into a bar and says '' put it on my bill''

[Wasabi]

What got four legs and doesn't live?
You would think it was a chair,

but it is your recently dead dog.

[Archangel]

What got four legs and doesn't live?
You would think it was a chair,

but it is your recently dead dog.

That's a little mean

[Icamenal]

Vlad gets pulled over after a high-speed car chase. "I'm going to help you out," says the police officer.
"Give me a good excuse and I won't write you a ticket." "Three weeks ago, my wife left me for a cop,"
Vlad explains. "So when I saw your car coming, I thought you were trying to bring her back."

Have you said this one before, because I swear I've seen this somewhere

[alone555]

I was wandering in the school and saw a quite-good-looking guy,so i decide to get his attention.
I tried to walk gracefully,which is a hard thing for me.
Unfortunately,I tripped.
I just imagine that he will catch me and ......okay you know,but that dude just pretend that i wasn't there(No one was there either at that time)and he just let me to fall.
Double unfortunately,a gush of freaking wind blew up my skirt....
Triple unfortunately, one of my classmates passed by....
I have now learned that good-looking guys may not be as good as they look at.
(So should I be relieved that God didn't make me to kiss his shoes????)

[Minana]

What's the slipperiest country?

Greece

[Walking Zombee]

(inhales)



B O I

[Walking Zombee]

What's one thing your mom has that the UK doesnt?
Rising pounds.
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What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?
Aye Matey!
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Whats the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants?
One's a crusty bus station and the other's a busty crustacean.
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A man walks into a zoo. The only animal in the entire zoo is just a dog.
It's a shitzhu.
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What concert costs only 45 cents?
50 cent featuring: Nickelback
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I'm friends with most of the alphabet.
I don't really know Y.
I also hate U.
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What's worse than being adopted?
Finding out it was Rick Astley who gave you up.
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What do you call a fistfight at noon?
A lunchbox.

[Icamenal]

What do you call a meeting of Irish enthusiasts?

LepreCon