Funniest jokes xD

[XxFaithxX]

Here are a couple of jokes I find funny :

1.Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep.

Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. “Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.”

“I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes” replies Watson.

“And what do you deduce from that?”

Watson ponders for a minute. “Well,

Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.

Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo.

Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.

Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.

Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe.
But what does it tell you, Holmes?”

Holmes is silent for a moment.

“Watson, you idiot!” he says. “Someone has stolen our tent!”




2.A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!” The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!”

The man says: “You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you.”



3. THIS ONE IS A BIT O.O - Beware kiddies.
A bus-load of nuns crashes on the way back to the convent. They form an orderly queue at the Pearly Gates and St Peter says;

"There are certain things you have may have to confess and seek forgiveness for before you can come in." " Have you ever seen a man's willy?" mother Brigette says "Yes, I have". "Then wash out your eyes with holy water in the fountain"

"Have you ever touched a man's willy?" mother Geraldene said "Yes I touched one, once." "Wash your hands with holy water from the fountain, then".

At that point there was a lot of scuffling and pushing for position amongst the nuns and St Peter says "Please ladies, what's all the excitement about?"

Mother Mary shouts "Well if I've got to wash my mouth out with holy water, I want to do it before Mother Maureen puts her arse in it!"

Got any of your own?

[MrOrange Juice]

I think that number 1 was the best

[Rainshard]

first one i dont get it second one is good 3rd one ................................. (awkward silence) um .... lol

[Shadow00]

first one was...okish
Second one was...
And third one was great XD

[mariiheartsu]

lmmaaoo aaahh that was good the first one was very funny, the second one lmaao thats all i have to say, the third one deserves an award!!

[Lamb]

I only liked the last one because it takes more to make me laugh but here goes mine:
BEWARE THERE IS SWEARING!
A boy came from his school and was going to throw a party.He sees his mom and dad argueing and this is what he hears-
Dad-"You Bitch"
Mom-You Basterd"
He then asks "mom,dad whats bitch and basterd?"
The mom responds "basterd is what you call a man"
The dad responds"bitch is what you call a woman"
Later he's mom burns her hand ironing a coat,she screams "Shit!"
He then asks "mom,whats shit?"
The mom responds"shit is a coat"
He then sees his dad cutting wood in the back yard.
He's dad cuts himself and says"Fuck!"
The boy then asks"Dad,whats fuck?"
The dad responds"Fuck is when you cut something".
Later when the party is on and he gets everyone's attention.
He then says"Hello Bitches and Basterds,may i take your Shits,and my dad is Fucking the Turkey."

[purpledeer]

i Loled on the first one XD
2nd one .. ehhh
3rd LOL! haha..

[prophet]

Ok, there once lived a boy named Goscrew yoself, He went to a new school, the teacher asked him "Whats your name young man?". He replied "Goscrew yoself.". The teacher Gasped and sent him to the principles office. The principle asked him what his name was, and he replied "Goscrew yoself." The principle also gasped, and expelled him, while he was walking back home, a police officer drove by and asked him what his name was. He replied "Goscrew Yoself." The officer arrested him and sent him to the juvenile hall. One of his fellow juveniles asked him what his name was. he replied "Goscrew Yoself". The next night the Juveniles beat him, and put a knife in his hand. When the juvenile officer saw the knife, he figured it was in self defense, So goscrew Yoself stayed in Juvenile hall until he was 18, then he was sent to prison. When he went to prison, one of the Inmates asked him what his name was, and he replied "John Gulton".